Making Me Feel Comfortable

I mentioned dancing lessons in my last post.

Well, believe it or not, I have been tapped to be a "celebrity dancer" for our annual library foundation fundraiser. Our library in Perrysburg is named the Way Library after Willard Way, a long ago citizen, who gave money to start the first library. With that in mind, our event is called Dance aWay With the Stars.

Okay, you have the setting.

Now, I love to dance, but don't get to do it often and I don't know what I'm doing when I do dance. I figure moving my feet to the beat is half the battle!

I have been assigned a "professional" who is helping me to learn the maranga and who will also dance with me the night of the show. As far as I'm concerned, I hit the jackpot with this assignment. Neal Hopkins, was a professional dancer in another life. He has the dancer body, tall and lithe. Think Tommy Tune, but just not quite as tall. Neal now owns a State Farm insurance agency.

At every practice Neal has made me feel like a dancer, even when I turn the wrong way or can't get my hips to sway appropriately. (Believe me, this is not easy!) We have fun. He knows what we need to do and knows that I want him to take charge. Cool!

But the best part happened in an email. You see we received an email from the library letting us know that photos would be taken next week at practice and that we needed to wear something dressy. Right away my anxiety level increased. I don't go clubbing. I don't have slinky clothes. What was I going to do??????

Neal put me at ease, when confirming our practice time for this week, he wrote, "We'll talk about what we need to wear for next week's photo." Right away, because of my experience already, I knew that I didn't have to worry about this little item one more second. Neal will handle it and will make it easy.

Thank you, Neal!

And isn't that what networking is all about, making others feel comfortable and relaxed so they can enjoy the moment?

What I Learned From Mom

Every month I have been asked to give the networking tip at the GreaterFindlayInc's morning networking program called Fresh Brewed. I have just a minute or two, so I have to be clear, concise and hopefully memorable.

There is always a theme. Tuesday if was "Elect to be Involved." (It was election day in the US.)

So I decided to tell a story about my mother.

My parents moved 17 times in the first 11 years of their marriage. After the first three or four moves my very shy mother realized that if she didn't make a friend the day she hit town, that six months later she would be leaving without any friends. This was a challenge to begin with, but she became very good at it. In their heyday, my parents penned a handwritten personal message on over 700 Christmas cards every year. I guess she got over her shyness!

Fast forward to me making the move to Toledo in 1992 not knowing a soul except for my new husband. The first year I traveled out of town each week for business and when I went to the grocery store each weekend, I saw no familiar faces. Then remembering my mom, I decided to get involved in the community. My father-in-law recommended a group. I attended the first meeting one weekend morning. The next weekend I walked into the grocery store and my day was made when someone said, "Hi Debby."

I ended my story Tuesday by saying that we can elect to be involved for what we can get, but to remember that we need to reach out to those who are new and not connected.

You could hear a pin drop.

After the formal meeting was over, several people came up to me who have not spoken to me ever before and I've received several emails from people commenting. I think I hit a chord that is in all of us, that of being alone and left out.

So the general election is over for another four years. Even so, you can elect to be the person who says hello to those that really need it!

That's what networking is to me.

What is Networking?

Gosh, sometimes I feel like I just hammer away at the same message. Or maybe I drill away at it, but my drill bit is dull.

The message is:

Networking is not sales!

Simple message, but I guess not easy to understand or implement.

In the last couple weeks, I actually used that message during a presentation. My contact for this group later told me that the most important information she got from the talk was, "Networking is not sales." I asked her if that was a new concept. She replied that she was sure she sort of understood it, but until I said it, she had never really thought about it.

One other person I met with said that he was so happy with our meeting because it seemed like I was interested in him as a person, as opposed to a warm body to sell to.

As I said before, "Networking is not sales."

So, taking the bull by the horns, I am having buttons made that say just that. I hope that a few other people might want to wear them too.

Keep posted!

When I get them, I will share them with all of you through this blog.

Ahead of the Curve

Today, I'm having an office day.

Had to complete my newsletter on others' deadlines -- mine was last Friday at 5 PM, but some did not agree with the deadline!

So anyway, I'm sittin' here in the office -- or the cave!

Glanced over at my shelves to the left and noticed the framed photo of my paternal grandmother, Hannie Dickinson. It's a sepia-toned photo of her holding my (baby) son, Andy, who is now 39 years old.

Anyway you get the picture.

My grandmother knew how to network. She connected with people around the word before computers, by writing letters to people every Sunday. Some she had met in person, but some were people she had read about.

My grandmother was a farm wife. Her beautiful New England home burned to the ground one cold winter day. But she kept on. She collected information, like any good networker would, to make sound financial investments with her hard-earned money. This was during the late '40's and early '50's when women baked bread and did not balance the checkbook. One financial goal was to build a proper parlor onto the revamped farm shed that became her home after the fire.

Grandma didn't call it networking. That's our word for it today. But she connected like no tomorrow.

Don't you wonder what your grand kids will say about you? Will they admire you because you were ahead of the curve?

Another Networking Tool

When I think of networking tools, the first thoughts that come to mind are business cards and calendar. What else could you possibly need?

Well, I've just come up with a new one.

In the last couple weeks, I ended up at networking events and committee meetings seated next to people with major colds. Now I am not germaphobic in any way, but I just knew that the cold bug was going to get me. I tend to easily get colds and they are not mild. Some stay around for weeks on end.

Sure enough on Monday of this past week, I had that awful funny feeling in my nose when I got up. Great, not a good start to the week. I stopped at Rite-aid that day and perused the aisles for some over-the-counter good stuff. One box caught my eye with it's creative brand name.

No Time for Colds

And that's just the way I felt. I had tried cold remedies before that claimed to shorten the length of a cold if caught early. But they had never worked for me so I was very suspicious -- suspicious but somewhat desperate.

It worked!

By Thursday of that week, I was feeling almost as if I didn't have a cold. WOW! I'm a believer.

So along with business cards and calendar, No Time For Colds is a good networking tool to have on hand.

What's your favorite cold remedy?

STOP Networking?

Okay, here's the deal.

Most people in the US are experiencing a challenging economy, either through loss of a job or increased prices.

Those who have lost a job or are making a job change, need to continue to network.

I recently had scheduled an appointment for two people to be intro'd to each other. Just before the appointment was to happen, one let me know that she is changing jobs and that she needed to cancel the appointment.

DON'T CANCEL NETWORKING APPOINTMENTS WHEN YOU ARE IN THIS SITUATION. (Yes, I am shouting!)

I realize that maybe the conversation might change but each person has a reason to continue to connect.

• The job changer needs to continue to develop relationships to help with the new job. Cutting off this line of communication is a real mistake.

• The job changer still has something to give -- their resources don't change and those very resources may still help the person they were supposed to meet. Even though your career path may have hit a bumpy road, you still are a valuable person.3. Networking within your industry, (if you want to stay within that industry) is where your going to hear the grapevine news about job availability.

• Job-seekers or job-changers cannot be cave dwellers. Even when you just want to stay in bed and pull the covers over your head, push yourself to call someone to schedule a time to chat.

Remember, they may need your attention more than you need theirs.

Make a difference and find that next position!

To Sell or Not?

There are two types of marketers out there.

One is an in your face, "buy from me" type and the other is the "let me see how I might help you" type.

Both are right.

Both are wrong.

It just depends.

Mainly on the situation.

When you have an appointment where the prospect wants to find out if he needs your "stuff," it is so very appropriate to sell. And don't forget to close the sale.

When you have just met someone, it is less grating if you don't sell. That includes networking events. In fact, if you sell in these situations, people will talk about you behind your back and you'll see a lot of their backs as they run away from you.

But if you are in a selling situation and just sit there shooting the breeze, that is equally off-base. The prospect will feel that you are wasting his time.

Ya' have to walk a fine line. Ya' have to know what is expected of you. Ya' have to watch body language.

Selling is not networking. Networking should not be selling. Both must be done appropriately.

Rule of Thumb:

If you have just met the person and you really don't know their situation, you can't sell because you don't know if they need your stuff or want to do business with you. Keep your brochures in your pocket. Take time to develop the relationship and in doing so, you'll probably find out if they want and need what you do.

Thoughts on this?

It Never Divides Evenly

A student in my current Certified Networker class asked a great question last week. It had to do with networking.

In several situations where she was a co-networker, her voice was drowned out. What do I mean by that?

Here's the picture.

She and a co-worker were visiting with someone their organization wanted to develop a stronger relationship with. Her co-worker took over the conversation and generally wouldn't let her have a word in edgewise.
She was mystified and realized this was one of the reasons that she doesn't like to network. It seems that someone always talks over her.

I explained that when more than two people are networking, it is more difficult and more complex. I suggested that she and her co-worker might decide to go separate ways in the future, which will give a better return on the investment of the hour or so spent. Each will come back with a stronger relationship, two for the price of one!

Basically, when three people are tying to network, somebody gets left out -- it is never an even division. When four people try to network, it is a party and while it may be fun, the relationship stays where it was before the party started.

There is one way that three people networking can work. It is when one person is introducing two other people and acts as the host to get the new people talking. But again, the good host shuts up after she or he gets the other two connected.

So to make myself perfectly clear -- to network really well, have a conversation with just one person!

Any other ideas?

Birds and Cave Dewellers

Last night, after dinner, I walked out of the house to take the bag of veggie and fruit trimmings out to the compost pile in back of the garden.

A bird caught my attention when it flew from the top of the birch tree out over the pond, making a sound that I didn't recognize. I looked carefully and realized it was a Kingfisher. We do see them from time to time, but not often. What a treat for a Saturday night.

As I meandered back from dumping the garbage, I starting thinking about how I might have missed this wonderful bird if I had left the compost pile task until morning. It was sort of like being a cave dweller - that person that never leaves their office or cubicle. They miss opportunities that are out there just waiting for them.

So this week -- get out and see what's just hanging around waiting for your discovery. Then come back here and comment, letting us all know about what you found.

Update

Gable is still alive and last night I enticed him to eat with his most favorite thing in the world -- carrots. (I have no carrots left in the garden because Gable and the devil Springers dug them all up.) Then I gave him a plate of a scrambled egg and leftover green beans from the night before. All slurped eagerly. So I feel a little more positive about him this morning. He even ate a little dog kibble when we went out to the barn to let the other two devils out.

I am going to take him to the vet, just to make sure that there is no blockage in his stomach that may be creating all this. I caught him with garbage on Sunday evening and I took the foil wrapped morsel away from him, but who knows if he hadn't already swallowed some of it.

I'll keep ya' posted.

Not Long, Now

We've had a good dog in our family for fourteen years now. Gable is our noble yellow Lab. He has always been above it all. Especially those two stupid Springers that also live here. He is also a wonderful friend, rubbing his head against my leg.

I know that his time is near. He has been losing weight for several months now and I must admit that he looks quite skeletal now. I made Steve take him to the vet yesterday, because as of Tuesday night, he had stopped eating. I even tried to give him ice cream last night.

We love our vet, because they are what I call country vets. They will do everything possible to save an animal, but they don't treat it like a human. That is our philosophy, too.

Yesterday the verdict was, "He's fourteen years old. We could put him through blood work and X-rays, but we'll find nothing good." Of course then Steve got called out of town on an emergency for one of his clients. So I'm dealing with the failing dog all by myself.

It breaks my heart.

Even the two Springers know that something is wrong. They are not barking at him trying to take over as top dog.

I will keep you posted.

But now I have to go put on a happy face and do a session for 18 folks that want to know how to network better.

New Acquaintance

I am slowly learning my way around Findlay and getting to know members of the community one person at a time.

Several months ago I met Rick Beverly at the GreaterFindlayInc monthly breakfast meeting called Fresh Brewed. Rick is the local president of Citizen's National Bank and that morning his bank had been one of the sponsors of the event.

After the formal part of the meeting was done, I had a moment to chat with Rick and asked if we could get together. We scheduled an appointment, but because of how busy each of us is, we've had to delay that appointment several times.

Wednesday I was heading to Findlay and Tuesday I found out that I had an opening in my schedule. I called Rick and he was gracious enough to give me 30 minutes of his time.

Rick is really an interesting guy. He's been in banking all his adult life, having started at little Continental State Bank right out of high school. His career has taken him through all areas of banking and several different institutions. He likes his current bank because they are local and yet can provide many of the bells and whistles for his clients that a larger bank can do.

What really won me over about him was how committed he is to his 13 year old daughter. He has helped to coach her basketball team ever since she was a little girl. In that time her team has lost only four games. Parents tell Rick that they're so happy their daughter is on the team he helps to coach because he helps to instills good skills, both basketball and life, that will be a foundation for a successful life.

Bankers are real people!

Ya' Have Ta Laugh!

Yesterday, I was invited to be the featured speaker at the WEN SEMI (Southeast Michigan) meeting.

Yesterday, when I jumped into the shower, it was icy cold.

Yesterday, I decided not to wash my hair which meant that it wouldn't look quite right all day long. But I just couldn't do the icy cold shower.

Yesterday, as I headed north, I ran into problems because of the fierce storm that had hammered our area the night before. The main road that I was traveling north on, was blocked by a giant tree.

Yesterday, as I detoured, somehow I got turned around on a bunch of curving roads, and others that didn't head in a direction that seemed logical. I was so turned around that I headed south for a good five miles before I realized it. (My little Mini doesn't have a display that tells me which direction I am traveling.)

Yesterday, I finally arrived at the meeting location in a raging rain storm.

Yesterday in spite of it all, I was the featured presenter!

But let me put it into perspective.

The attendance at the meeting was a little lighter than normal. Want to know why? Most who were there were still without electrical power from the night before. But they still made it to the meeting. They probably didn't shower or have light to put on makeup or make breakfast. But they got themselves out anyway.

My challenges were minor compared to theirs!

My hat's off to those who made the extra effort!

The Lost is Found

No, I have not been living under a rock. Just a pile of stuff on my desk!

Nuff said!

I have a few minutes before I leave for Chicago to present to The Outlook Group. It was a referral from one of my CN students, Megan Coyle Stamos. Thanks Megan for making such a great connection.

This morning I was in Findlay, which is about 30 minutes south of here. I attended the morning session for GreaterFindlayInc and also helped with the new member orientation afterwards. Jeremiah Gracia, VP of Business Development for GFI, led the session. Why would I drive through driving rain for such an early morning meeting? The reason is that my goal is to get to know the Findlay community better. I do that by scheduling future appointments with people I meet at these events.

Interestingly, one person I met, Robert Thomas is the franchise support person for Joe Reidling, a new owner of Embroidme. Robert works from Minneapolis. Most might have ignored him, but after the formal session, I walked over an intro'd myself. We talked about BNI, as he recommends that all of their franchisees join BNI. But while he knew a little about it, he want to know more. It was great that I could give him some information and promised that we'll talk later about additional information. He wants to help those who become members of BNI to understand what they need to do to get the best out of their membership.

As the conversation continued he wanted to know more about Certified Networker. In the end, he asked for my card to pass on to someone in charge of the Midwest, as Robert thought this person might want to know how it could help their organization.

All because I wanted an outsider to feel welcome.

People can feel like outsiders, even if they live in town.

What have you done lately to make an outsider feel welcome?

A Tidbit From the Conference

I was lucky enough to hear Bob Burg, author of Endless Referrals and most recently The Go-Giver, speak at the BNI US National Conference last week in Orlando. He was a great speaker in both the information he delivered and also the manner of delivery.

One tiny bit of info that I will begin to use immediately is a question he suggested we use while networking. After meeting someone new ask,

"How will I know if I've met someone that will be helpful to you?"

Isn't that great????!!!!

If forces the other person to be responsible for purposeful input to the conversation. It certainly will make that person think and probably remember you.

How would you answer the above question? Remember, it's got to be short and sweet.

What'd Ya' Get?

A couple weeks ago I had a conversation with a frustrated sales person

You see, she brings in more sales than the total sales of the other sales staff combined, but her boss doesn't want her to do it her way.

He wants her to make cold calls and if she goes to a networking event, he wants to know what "she got" from the event.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM?

He has a successful sales person bringing in more than quota, a lot more, and he wants to reform her into something that doesn't work.

IF YOU ARE A SALES MANAGER READING THIS, please, instead of trying to mold the wildly successful sales person into your mold, how about finding out what they do that is very different from what you think works.

Gosh, you might even have to change your mind about what works.

And for those of you sales managers who don't want to engage in conversation, good sales people don't "get anything" from a networking event. That is, we don't get sales. Or if we do, it is because of the relationship that we've developed already with the person who gives us business at such an event. It's not because we sell.

So get off your super star's back. Let her do what is working. Support her in helping your success. After all, the over-ride that you get from her sales ain't so bad.

Okay - got that out of my system.

Are You a Pusher?

I think the weather had a bead on Certified Networker classes! Again today, we're having a winter storm, with already 8 inches of snow on the ground, more to come later with drifting and blowing to accompany it. But I am going to do all I can to get to Findlay to start another class of CNers! I'm sure glad I got new front tires over the weekend.

I have to comment on a networking situation yesterday. At the lunch time WEN meeting the format is that each person gets a chance to give a short introduction to the big group. Then, at each round table, we get two minutes to tell our other table mates more detailed information. WEN is an organization that is dedicated to the development of relationships.
Here's what happened at my table yesterday. Each person at the table would take her time to speak and during that time would send a pile of business cards, and sometimes extra literature too, around for each person to take.

Now, I'm sorry, but I didn't ask for those people's cards. For some of them, I already have their information. But I must admit that I felt funny not taking cards or info because it looked like I wasn't interested. (In some cases, I probably wasn't!) But to take a card and then just throw it away later, seemed wasteful. If, in fact, the two minute spiel interested me, I would have connected with the person later to schedule an appointment to find out more.

So here's my deal:

• Don't give me your business card unless I ask for it.
• I promise I won't give you mine, either, unless you request it.
• Be interesting enough that I'll want more info.
• Don't try to tell me everything in the two minutes.
• Think from my shoes. WFIM.

What's your feeling on all this?

Just a Quickie

Whew, those last three posts were really long! But Leadership Toledo rocks and so I wanted to let the rest of the world know how great the program is!

Some networking thoughts from today.

I met with a new business acquaintance who is also new to the networking scene.

She kept "getting it" as we talked.

It was kind of funny, but still nice funny. Ever so often during the conversation about how to create more business for herself, she'd ask, "but how do I get them interested in me????" Then I'd see the ole' slap the forehead signal, meaning "Oh, yeah, I forgot, it's got to be about them! WIFM."

Another person, who shall remain anonymous, said that she wants more business, but she doesn't want to do anything differently than what she's doing now. And NOW isn't working for her. Hmmmm.

And finally I met with a new prospect for the Board of Action for the Certified Networker community. She was the ultimate in putting off taking the CN class, because she was positive it wouldn't work -- or actually she wanted proof that it would work. She will now step into the shoes of helping people just like her to join the CN community! Thanks Allison.

Tidbits, that's all you get today.

So what's up with you?