Hard Sell

I am not a very happy camper.

Last month I took a young business friend to a networking meeting with the idea that she might like to check out the group for membership. At this meeting business cards are exchanged with the idea of two parties meeting later to get to know each other better.

I didn't see which cards my friend received and she happily scheduled two networking appointments. She said, "This is great!"

I saw her just the other day. She has decided not to join the group right now. Seems like the dreaded multi-level marketing husband and wife team were one appointment and the other appointment kept her waiting for 45 minutes. The MLM people kept trying to get her to buy for two hours until she finally said she had to go. All during this time she kept telling them that she was not interested. But they kept bangin' away at her. Both appointments had nothing really directly to do with the group, but they did reflect back on the group. Badly.

I don't know what I am going to do about the MLM people. The other person had already demonstrated to me his loser mentality, so as far as I was concerned he was a non-entity. But I will tell you that from now on, any of my guests will be shielded from the MLM team. They will not get a chance to ruin the opportunity of a new member just because of their selfish ways.

Why don't the old fashioned MLMers get it? We don't like their hard-sell pitch.

Aboveboard

I just finished reading a book, Gardens of Water, about how mistaken beliefs and innuendo can kill people. In this book, set in Muslim Turkey, a young girl commits suicide because her community has turned against her with lies and rumors.

Gossip hurts. Gossip makes people what they aren't. As grandma probably said, "Gossip is what people do when they don't have better things to do."

Gossip and networking certainly don't go hand in hand. If I am networking with you and you tell me something about someone else, it makes me wonder what you're saying about me to the next person. If you tell me something that I find out later is not true, then your credibility has taken a dive.

Gossip is easy. Promotion seems to be more difficult for many people.

I am a huge proponent of the philosophy of, "if you have an issue with someone, talk to them." When you tell someone else about the issue, it can't be solved and you've created an additional problem.

Just think of how much better our world would be if we all had open communication.

They're Here!

You've heard me complain about how some people employee the "Black Widow Spider Method of Networking." That's where a networker backs you into the corner, wraps you in his web and then proceeds to talk about himself and why you should buy his product for the next twenty minutes."

So maybe I am exaggerating a little. Maybe it's only 19 minutes.

To make my message heard, that networking is about relationship development, not selling, I have had some buttons produced.

See them here!



I know that the very people that need to see the message will be blind to these buttons, but at least I'll feel better!

What do ya think?

What is Networking?

Gosh, sometimes I feel like I just hammer away at the same message. Or maybe I drill away at it, but my drill bit is dull.

The message is:

Networking is not sales!

Simple message, but I guess not easy to understand or implement.

In the last couple weeks, I actually used that message during a presentation. My contact for this group later told me that the most important information she got from the talk was, "Networking is not sales." I asked her if that was a new concept. She replied that she was sure she sort of understood it, but until I said it, she had never really thought about it.

One other person I met with said that he was so happy with our meeting because it seemed like I was interested in him as a person, as opposed to a warm body to sell to.

As I said before, "Networking is not sales."

So, taking the bull by the horns, I am having buttons made that say just that. I hope that a few other people might want to wear them too.

Keep posted!

When I get them, I will share them with all of you through this blog.

Fake Out

Why do you do what you do?

Last week in a preview for our upcoming fall courses, one young women came up to me at the end of the two hours extending her card. Now I have to tell you that she happens to represent a cosmetics company that is offered via direct sales. There are many Arbonne representatives out there. They seem to blend together. I'm sorry, but that's the truth.

As the business card was entering my personal space, I was doing the little mind-dance where my brain was saying, "O-o-o-oh, here comes another one," whereas on the outside I was trying to appear gracious.

This is where it all changed. The card was not for Arbonne, but for a foundation -- the Janet Phleger Foundation, to be exact. And the young women said, "This is why I do what I do for Arbonne, so that I can grow this charity."

This foundation was formed in memory of the young woman's mother. And the goal of the foundation is to give scholarships to children of cancer patients. Already this year they gave the first two away.

Now I tell ya'. My eyes were opened. I didn't have to fake graciousness. This young woman has it figured out. She knows why she does what she does.

And you?

Is it a One or a One 2 One?

This week I was asked to give a short presentation to the WEN West group and they asked me to speak about one to one etiquette. (A one to one is a meeting with two people finding out about each other.)

I shared the story about a friend of mine having a "one" recently, where the person she was meeting with did ALL the talking for 90 minutes.

So I gave some rules for one to ones.

1) While the conversation does not need to be 50/50 exactly, there should be some information shared about each person. I explained that some good sales people like to control the conversation by asking questions and that being in a one to one with that type of person might mean that you're talking 90% of the time. But in that instance, it is because that person continues to ask you questions.

2) Take notes. If you're making commitments of introductions you will make or information you will share later, not doing so affects your credibility.

3) Do be thinking about who you can introduce the person to while you're getting to know them. Being a connector is a good thing!

It was rather funny after this short presentation. Several people came up to me and said, "Whew! That was really good. It felt like you might be talking about me." or "Thank you so much, I was in one of those conversations just the other day."

What's the best one to one you've ever had with someone and why?

Another Deep Mystery

People who don't call back drive me crazy.

Now I'm not talkin' about the people who get a cold call. First of all I don't make cold calls. And when I get them I don't call those people back either. (Most of them don't feel rejected because it is just a recording.)

What I'm talking about is when I meet someone; we chat; agree that we want to meet later. More times than not, they don't have their calendar with them. We agree that I will call them later. They give me their card to do so.

I call them to initiate the setting of the "chat" appointment. Usually I have to leave a message. Or I email them. Or I do both.

SILENCE

Heck, if they don't want to meet, it's OK with me.

Please, just call me back and tell me to get lost.

I'll even give them a line to use. "I'm really busy right now, why don't I call you back at the end of the month?"

Why is this so hard?

What Makes a Culture

I have been thinking a lot about culture lately. It comes some from the type of reading I've been doing but also the experiences I've had recently.
I've come to the realization that standards of a culture are what is accepted by a majority of the people as business or life as usual.
Whether it be a location, a group of people, a time in history or an industry.

I had this aha when I was helping out at the Women's Council of Realtor's golf outing. I am an affiliate member of this group.

The culture of this industry is that a cell phone attached to the ear is status quo for most -- the majority. Now I certainly realize that Realtors or their vendors need to be closely connected to their clients, but personally, I think the culture has taken it too far. I know that I am in the minority!

I was paired with another person at the betting hole. That person spent most of the time on not one, but two phones. Not all of it was business. So this person let the opportunity to get to know me better (I guess that tells me where I stand with this person) go by all the while keeping the phones humming. Conversely, it kept me from getting to know her better, too. As foursomes drove up to our hole, it was not unusual to the three or four of the people on their phones. That is the accepted culture.

What are you accepting that you might want to change in your life.

"I just did a one!"

My friend Sandy Pirwitz made me laugh the other day. She has a knack for doing that. She called me to tell that she'd just done a "one."

I (and I'm sure you are doing the same) said, "Huh?"

It seems that Sandy has a meeting scheduled with another person to get to know that person. We label that type of meeting a one 2 one. It seems that Sandy never got a word in edgewise. It was a one!

Give and take in a one 2 one meeting is a hallmark of good networking. But obviously this person didn't know better. Unfortunately, people are going to run from this person in the future.

This does NOT mean that the conversation has to be 50/50 either. Many times I like to find out as much as I can about a person and end up letting them talk 90% of the time. But I am inviting that much focus by continuing to ask questions about them.

Have you ever been involved in a one? What did you do the next time you saw that person?

What's This About?

I have had an interesting week of people canceling appointments at the last minute. Now, I do know the stuff gets in the way, but in most of the instances the person either forgot or had something more important to do.

HM-M-M-M-M

I always give out my cell phone number because I want to be notified if something does come up. I also take the person's cell # to let them know just in case I have an emergency. Because you see, I would make every effort to keep an appointment unless it was a life and death emergency.

I can tell you that I will schedule a second time, but when it happens that the second appointment is kicked to the curb, I am ready to go on to the next person.

Am I being too unforgiving?

Do You Dump?

Okay, how was Black Friday? For those of you not in the US, that is the dubious name given to the shopping day after Thanksgiving. I think it refers to what the merchants hope they will be "in" at day's end (as opposed to red ink meaning a loss.) I am not a Black Friday shopper -- so I can't tell you anything about it.

What I do want to talk about is the garbage dump.

No, I am not talking about the town dump, where the scraps of dinner might be thrown. No, not that. What I am talking about the the practice of giving a new networking acquaintance every marketing piece you have about your company in one fell swoop.

Now, let's think about why it is not such a good idea.

First of all, from a marketing point of view, if you give it all at once, you have no reason to go back.

Second, with a thick folder of information, you may overwhelm this new acquaintance to not read any of it -- that is, overwhelming them to inaction.

Third, most people don't have time to sit for many minutes just with your stuff. They will quickly pick out what they need and throw the rest away.

Fourth, doing the garbage dump says that you don't care about the needs of this specific person, that "one size fits all." Don't I feel special????

This week at a networking event, a guest brought such a folder. There were 24 sheets of paper and five, glossy, four-color magazines inside this folder. This person happened to be an advertising representative for a local newspaper. Finally, I found the rate sheet and threw the rest away. Then I opened the rate sheet and it was so complicated that I could not figure it out. That, also, was pitched.

So here's the deal. If you want to attract me, make it simple, short, efficient and non-wasteful. Otherwise, you'll be filed in the trash can.

While I don't totally understand the DISC personality measurement technique, my friend Deanna Tucci Schmitt, Executive Director of BNI Western Pennsylvania, would say that my reaction is probably because I am a high D. So I guess there might be people out there who represent other letters in the DISC theory that would read all that stuff. But it's your job to figure out who those people are and are not!

Do you like it when networking acquaintances give you the dump?

Don't They Understand

I have to talk about one issue that has now happened twice in the last couple weeks.

I have been involved with two events that were giving the proceeds of the event to a charity or two.

At both events the representatives of the charities had agreed to be in attendance for the event.

At the first event the representatives of the charity arrived late and left early. They also did not fulfill a commitment they had made to perform a certain job at the end of the evening.

At the second event the representative spoke and mentioned that they had to move on to something else more important that evening. What?!?!?

Both charities had ample notice of these events and their facts of their involvement.

Today, charities are having a more difficult time finding the money they need to exist. Don't they realize that a conversation they might have at such an event could lead to bigger money. And don't they realize that when I see them leave early, I make a decision to never give them money again?

I realize that they have families to get home to, tasks to complete and generally a need to be off the clock.

Guess what? I do too. But there I was at both events long after they left, still making money for them.

This time.

What's your take on this?

I'm Comin' Clean, I Didn't RSVP

I just got a phone call.

But first let me take you back about nine months.

In January or February of this year, I was introduced to a woman by a friend in a networking group. To protect the innocent, all names will be fictitious. So, my friend, Joe, intro'd me to Sally.

Sally happens to be a successful purveyor of cosmetics for a direct sales company.

We chatted briefly at the meeting and she said that she'd like to meet with me. Sally did not have her calendar with her.

I called her several times to schedule that appointment and left voice mail messages but I never received a return call.

I stopped calling because I didn't want to stalk. I also kept my friend, Joe, in the loop and he just shook his head.

Okay, now fast forward. Last week I received an invitation in the mail to a party kicking off another type of a direct sales business. This is a new effort - by the husband of Sally. Now, I have never met Bob, the husband. I couldn't pick him out of a lineup. But I got an invitation.

Because I didn't know him, I just threw the invitation away.

That's what the phone call was that I just got. Bob was calling to see if I was coming to his event, and he also happened to mention on the call that he'd invited 100 people. (Didn't that make me feel special?) I gave him my regrets.

Now, I'm sorry, but I'm insulted.

His wife doesn't have the time of day for me, but she passes my contact information on.

Am I being super sensitive?

What the Heck Does RSVP Mean?

Okay, I'm going to do it.

This post is about the definition of R.S.V.P.

If you already know what it means, you can skip this post.

R.S.V.P. comes form the French phrase "répondez s'il vous plaît" which basically means to please respond.

So evidently some people ignore these four little letters because they didn't take French in school.

Or some people think that means, "only if I feel like it."

Some people use R.S.V.P. as a verb; "Yes, I am rsvp-ing to your invitation."

Or some people just are totally mystified.

Where is Emily Post when we need her?

If you'd like to read more go to here.

If I were the judge and jury on this, I'd sentence each offender to time chairing an event that has food involved. And for this event I wouldn't let anyone R.S.V.P.

What's you take on this wisp of etiquette in the business world?

I Give Up!

Recently I attended an event where people were eating and chatting. It was a casual affair.

The gentleman I was sitting next to continually consulted his cell phone, text-messaged someone, and generally kept his eyes glued to this electronic UNINVITED guest.

Usually, as a dinner companion, I would have tried to draw him out, asked questions and tried to show interest in him. At one point I did say, "Wow! That must be important." His comment was, "No, it's just my daughter, playing around, text-messaging me."

So, I gave up. I figured that he was certainly not on the same page or really even mentally at the same event. Why should I make a special effort when he wasn't making any?

TURN OFF THE DAMN PHONES. (And I know I'm going to get someone saying, but he was talking to his little daughter. Well, his little daughter is in high school.)

Am I being too hard?

Answers, We Give Answers

I had a conversation with my wonderful daughter-in-law this afternoon. Lisa is expecting a baby at the end of November. Lisa also has a Ph.D. in molecular biology and has just been named VP of Science and Innovative Technologies for the company she works for. Need you guess that I am proud?????

Anyway, back to the subject. We were talking about the inappropriate questions she has gotten since admitting to the world that she is expecting. She made me laugh with some of the answers she has developed to the more intrusive questions. Being the wonderfully gracious young woman that she is, she smiles and then gives an answer that is totally illogical, but she acts like it is full of reason. It leaves the rude questioner pondering whether they should try for the next question or just shut up. Most take the second route.

I am telling you this for a reason.

This morning at the WEN networking meeting, we followed our usual agenda of giving short introductions and then during the next part of the meeting we were all invited to write an issue, challenge or problem on a slip of paper. These were then collected and put into a basket. Three or four were pulled from the basket to have the brainstorming power of the group try to help solve the challenge. The authors of the notes can remain anonymous or reveal themselves. The one rule is that each question-writer has to remain quiet and write down all suggestions -- even if it has "already been tried before."

I wrote a challenge, that of having to deal with a person who is not easy to deal with. I gave more details this morning but not enough for people to guess who the person is. I did not give the sex of the person, because I felt that while it is my issue, the problem could be very universal and everyone could learn from the answers if the details were more general. I got some really good suggestions.

After the meeting, a person who has not been around WEN long enough to know me that well, came up to me and asked me if that person was my husband. I truthfully said, "No." But I was a little ticked off that she had the nerve to ask the question. What business was it of hers?

So to bring this around full circle, if I'd had my conversation with Lisa yesterday instead of today, I could have used her protocol to defer the questioner. I'm having a lot of fun tonight dreaming up answers that I could have given that would have been very Lisa-like. And I'm just picturing in my mind the look of confusion that would have been displayed!

So what do you think would be the perfect answer to this rude question?

No Call, No Show

This morning I taught a training program for new BNI members. One topic that was mentioned was showing up for appointments. Or actually more accurately what was asked about was NOT showing up for appointments.

You see, two new members had scheduled separate appointments with a seasoned member to get to know him better. The experienced member "no called, no showed" for both appointments. Come to find out, that person had recently left the chapter. I guess he didn't think he had anything to gain, so he just left each member dangling at the appointed time.

Toledo is a VERY small city. Those two members will bump into the former member sometime in the future. In fact, I'll bet at sometime that person will want a favor from one of the two newbies. What do you bet that the favor will not be granted?

What could that person have been thinking?????

Let Me Tell You About Me

Yesterday, I walked into Panera. I was twenty minutes early to meet a client, but was prepared with a book, Be the Elephant:Build a Bigger, Better Business, that I've been trying to read in bits and pieces. At the counter just as I was getting my cup of coffee, I was approached by someone who said, "Debby, hey, how are you?"

This person (who shall remain nameless) was a former member of a networking group that I used to belong to. He proceeded to tell me how well he was doing.

As I walked to the coffee urns to fill my cup, he followed, continuing his monologue.

After filling my cup, I thought that he'd probably leave as we were right near the door, but oh no, he said, "Well, why don't we sit down so I can tell you some more (about me)?"

Twenty minutes later, just before my client was to arrive, he left. But not before he finally said, "Oh, are you still doing the same thing?" (sales coaching). I explained that for the past five years I had been concentrating on Certified Networker, a course that helps people with word-of-mouth marketing.

What came out of his mouth next has given me the chuckles ever since!

His comment was, "Well, I use networking all the time, everyday. I make an effort to meet people and each person I meet, I tell them all about what I'm doing. I get the word out that way."

No lie. That's what he said.

Oh yeah, I forget his final salvo. As he slid out of the booth, he said, "So if you run into anybody who could use my services, please send them my way."

Many of you know that my goal is to change the way business is done in Ohio -- or further with this blog! I know that if I can get all business people to first think and then say, "How can I help you?" (and mean it) that it will help the economy of our region.

That is the idealist in me. I do realize that there will be some people who will not convert to this philosophy. Too bad!

What was the worst (or best) demonstration of someone's networking skills that you've witnessed recently?

NetWORKing Zones

As I drove across Ohio and Pennsylvania during vacation, I hit quite a few miles of "orange barrels."

There are two mysteries to me.

The first being: even though I was traveling on a week day (Thursday) on my way out, 90% of the work zones were not being worked on. Why? (Interestingly, on the way home, July 7 and 8, (seemingly an extension of the US national 4th of July holiday) there were lots of active zones. Hm-m-m, no work during the work week, and lots of work on Saturday and Sunday.)

The second part of that mystery is, how come we can't have a two-tiered approach to work zone speed limits -- a slower one for active work zones and a little faster for those that are inactive?

The reason I ask is that if I tried to go the posted speed, I felt like I was having a conversation with the driver behind me because he or she was trying to get into the back seat of my Mini.

Now, where there were people working, I wanted to go the speed posted, but again, I felt like a hazard with the vehicle (and more times than not it was a BIG truck) seeming to be only inches behind my bumper.

As I was pondering this dilemma, I got to thinking about how this parallels networking. You see the cars and trucks behind me were in it for themselves. They wanted to go as fast as they wanted without thought of any other driver on the road. Thoughtless networkers do the same, passing out cards at abandon, interrupting people to do so, talking about themselves only. Ivan Misner, Chairman of BNI, has named that behavior as scorched earth networking.

Getting what you want without concern for others.

So I guess we all need to slow down, both for the construction zones this summer and for the networking events we'll attend all year.

What's your take on all this?